Knee-jerk...

11 days and counting...my right knee will finally be fixed!  I get a partial replacement and a new knee cap.  How cool is that?  They're going to resurface one part of my joint with titanium, so my airport security experiences will change forever!

It's been a crappy few years with this stupid knee.  My first visit to a doctor 2 years ago for pain that I had been experiencing for about 2 years, was just the beginning of a horrible ordeal!  If you live in Las Vegas and ever have knee problems DO NOT GO TO DR. CICHON.  He is NOT a knee doctor, but thinks he is.  I can't tell you how many people I've spoken with the past 2 years who had work done by him and were in worse shape than before their surgeries.  Well, include me in that group.  Anyway, I was in more pain following his work than I was prior to surgery.  I went a year and found another great doctor, who was able to fix the mess-up, but a fall a couple of months later undid all his work and there was nothing more he could do, other than replacement in the future.  It's been a year since that fall and the pain is so bad that I have to suck it up and do the surgery.  Luckily, I found out it doesn't have to be a total replacement, so my recovery will be a little easier, although I WILL have a 4" Frankenstein scar in the middle of my knee just in time for Halloween!

A couple of my friends and family members have had the total replacement, so I kind of know what to expect following surgery and what recovery will be like.  I did find out I"ll have a nerve block again...so great!  I'll also come home with a pain block for a few days...so great!  The dr. has a new surgery center and private care facility at his offices, so I won't have to stay in the hospital (I'm looking forward to that!).  Surgery is on a Monday, and I'll get to come home some time the next day.

I'm a little nervouse because it won't be quick and easy like my prior arthroscopics, but in a few months I should be pain free and moving like normal.  It will be weird to NOT have pain anymore, because I've had it for so long, but I'm soooo looking forward to it!

"I drive with my knees, other wise how can I put on my lipstick and talk on the phone?"  Sharon Stone

Mandatory Crazy

I have this friend, you see, who is crazy and wonderful and wild and wise and her birthday is the day before Halloween.  That explains a lot, of course.  Anyway, I was explaining things to my great-friend-group, of which she is a part, about what we're experiencing right now in our messed-up life and one of her responses was "Is there any crazy you can cut out that isnt mandatory right now?"  Oh Shontell, I want to be you when I grow up!

I heart that she is the kind of person who actually accepts that crazy can be a healthy part of your life and is able to determine what's mandatory and what's expendable crazy.  :::sigh:::  To be that grounded and see clearly enough to toss out the not-so-important crazy and keep the mandatory crazy and just deal with it is a gift.  It got me thinking...I'm crazy, my husband is crazy, my kids are crazy, yet we are not expendable, so clearly I cannot cut us out.  grrrrr.  What CAN I cut out, though?

The fear and uncertainty is crazy and consuming.  It has to go.  Complete faith in God and finding focus is also crazy, but a mandatory one.  It has to stay and be bettered.  Piles of laundry and unfinished projects around the house are crazy, some mandatory, some expendable. 

I was finding myself thinking today that, when I was 5 and skipping around the kindergarten playground with my other girlfriends, or playing dress-up and dreaming of the princess life I would have with my great prince husband, living in my fancy house and being chauffer driven around town, not ONCE was the crazy picture we are experiencing right now EVER inserted.  Unsual things have happened to us these past few months that have changed us forever.  We will never be the same as we all were prior to May 26th when Jon was laid off.  Max will never be the same as he was the day before the beginning of his hospital stay on June 6th. 

Parts of us have died away, new parts have been birthed.  Some of that is good, some is bad, but bottom line is we are different now.  We are also a mandatory crazy.

Jimmy Hendrix said "crazy is like heaven."

Hmmm.

Grrrrrr...Learning Patience Is Going To Make Me A Patient!

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.  Romans 12:12

Waiting stinks.  Being patient stinks.  Grrrrr.  Every time we think we're going to have a definite answer to this job situation, it's met with MORE WAITING.  Very frustrating.

While dealing with this whole "Jon trying to get his job back" thing, it's been brought to my attention that I need to be learning more about being patient and waiting on God.  I don't know why He thinks that's best for me.  Sheesh, maybe because He's God and He KNOWS what's best for me.  :::sigh:::  Lately when I pray about our situation, or a specific meeting that's coming up, or something else specific relating to our situation, I get words in my head that tell me "be patient child, it will happen in My time...it will happen".  BUT WHEN GOD?  WHY CAN'T IT HAPPEN NOW?  WE HAVE BILLS, COLLEGE TO PAY FOR, A MORTGAGE, FOOD TO BUY etc., etc.  "I know all that and I will take care of you."  And He does, but that doesn't make this whole "patience" thing easy.  To quote someone elses blog...  "Patience is hard - it takes work, discipline and self-control. Someone once told me that God doesn’t grant us patience but gives us opportunities to learn patience."

I'm learning the difference between being patient and acting patient.  I've kicked and screamed, but I've actually given this to God a few times and it has made it easier.  I still have an occasional tantrum, which brings along frustration and mayhem, afterall I'm only human, but when I refocus and do what He's asking of me, it makes it easier to cope.  By switching my focus from "God, puhleeeeeeeease give Jon his job back, or puhleeeeeeeease bring Jon another job, or puhleeeeeeease move us to Reno" to "God, you know the desires of my heart and you know what we need, I know you will provide for us, please lead us in the right direction and cause us to do everything you want us to so we can be prepared to receive what you have for us, in your time."  :::sigh:::    Again, it is not easy to do this, but when I do, things fall into place and worry is replaced with peace and increased faith.  I alone have the ability to make things harder or easier for myself.  It's a choice.  Not an easy one, but a choice, nonetheless.

Today was a "bad choice" day, but tomorrow is a new day and I will try to do better.

Ah, patience.  I want it, now.

Who Knew?

Wow, what a summer so far.  I'm glad to say that Max is feeling much better now.  It's been almost 3 weeks since his release from UCLA Children's Hospital and each follow-up visit to the many different drs. he's seeing here is giving pretty much a clean bill of health.  His eyesight is still being watch, though.  The right eye did recover completely, but his left eye is still blurry.  His optic nerve is supposedly no longer swollen, so the drs. feel there has been some permanent damage to that eye.  It could take 6 months to a year for complete healing, but the signs that are showing up in different optical tests now lead them to believe that the nerve was damaged from all the pressure, and there was A LOT of pressure.  He's lucky to not have more damage than there is, and the blurriness that it's causing can be corrected with glasses.  He's not too happy about that, but I tell him "hey, you could be blind, sheesh."  I think he'll look pretty cool with glasses and, who knows, he might improve over the next several months.  We're definitely keeping it in prayers.  Look what prayer has done for him so far!  He was talking to me about that the other night after one of his appointments and asked "Just how many people were praying for me?"  I told him there were hundreds that we actually knew of, and he smiled and said "I felt it every day."  He was so great through this whole thing, never complaining, never really worrying, and never crying once.  He also didn't understand how sick he was until one of his drs. told him he's lucky to be here.  He knows he wasn't lucky.  It was the constant prayer.

Now that he's back and we've finally settled into a summer routine, we get to focus on Jon and his no-job situation.  Looking at the good that has come out of it...he was able to devote 24 hrs. a day to Max at both hospitals, then fly to Knoxville for a little r & r and drive Ian and Olivia home in a much-needed newer vehicle purchase, and now get some things done around the house...all of this would have been a struggle with his work "in the way".  Also, due to the nature of his lay-off, it allowed the incoming HR Director time to look into the situation and, after Jon meeting with him yesterday, there is a good chance he may be rehired and we'll know by this Monday afternoon.  Keeping that in our prayers, too.  We still feel the need to move our family, but a rehire would make that process a little easier.  It would ease the burden of HAVING to look for another job, and would allow us to finish up the things necessary to sell our house, allow Jon more time to find something to keep him in the same retirement system, get Max's follow-ups with the same drs., etc.

Lots of things can happen over the next few weeks.  May and June were huge months for us, so let's see what the rest of July has in store for.  It's definitely been a roller coaster ride, but what a view we've had!  I also LOVE roller coasters, so it's very ironic.  I realized this looking at pics I took while we were at the UCLA Medical Center.  This one was taken while Meg and I were on the roller coaster at the Santa Monica Pier, waiting for Max and Jon's plane to arrive.  It was exciting, but very peaceful.  It's funny how God reveals things to you.  :::sigh:::

Here's some more pics of our California trip....

Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My...

Sheesh, June hasn't been much better.

Max got ill a few weeks ago with a migraine, high fever, and vomitting. It lasted 2 weeks then subsided and he started to have blurry vision in both eyes. He had a trip to the doctor and the ER for IV's during all this, so we figured he was dehydrated again and his headache was causing his blurred vision. Sunday, Meg and I were saying goodbye so we could head to the beach for a camping trip, and Max was complaining that the room was dark, but all the lights were on. We immediately took him to the ER at Sunrise and, by the time we got there, he was completely blind. After a CT, lumbar puncture, and blood work they found he had viral spinal meningitis and his spinal fluid pressure was at 55, instead of 15. He was admitted and they began the guessing game of what's causing his secondary problem(s).

 

He did stabilize once they started treating the meningitis, so Meg and I left Tuesday for the beach. On Wednesday they did another puncture and found Max's spinal fluid was still rising and causing pressure on the brain and optic disk, which was causing his loss of sight, but they couldn't figure out why it was still happening. By that evening the team of doctors decided they couldn't do any more for him and needed to send him to the children's hospital at UCLA Medical Center for emergency eye surgery to save his sight. They were airlifting him, but Jon couldn't go with, so luckily I was already down here to meet him. One thing after another...insurance goofs, waiting for a bed at UCLA, etc...then finally everything worked out. Thursday evening he was coming down on a private plane and the insurance had worked out for Jon to be able to fly with him.

 

The UCLA Medical Center is amazing. As soon as he got here they immediately started with making him comfortable, doing tests, and helping us with arrangements to stay at the Ronald McDonald House. By the middle of the night they knew what they were dealing with and started a different course of treatment. By the morning Max had shown a slight improvement with his vision and the dr. we were sent here for had decided the surgery wasn't needed. His vision has continued to improve in the right eye, but the left one is slow to recover. The neurologist says it will get better, just will take time.

 

The doctors are hopeful that he'll get released by Friday. Today (Wed) he has had a small setback though. He woke up this morning with blood in his urine. At first they weren't too concerned and did some tests, thinking it was the steroids he's on or muscle breakdown because he's been in bed for over 3 weeks. A couple of hours ago he started having pain in his abdomen that increased to the point of needing morphine and the blood is getting more prominent in his pee. Needless to say lots more tests have been performed in the past hour and we hope it's just a minor thing that looks worse than it is.

 

Thank you for the prayers, thoughts, help, etc. We have soooo many friends that are helping us through this, even in small ways. We love you all!

What A Month...

As May comes to an end, I reflect on both joys and disappointments.  It started off heavy with Ian working hard to pull off graduating and Jon ending up in the hospital with a bad case of pneumonia, then turned happy with a great Mother's Day trip to Disneyland with Olivia, Max, and Meghan while Jon stayed home with Ian to recoop.  More disappointment loomed as we learned Jon might possibly lose his job of 21 years with the City of Las Vegas IT Department.  Happiness again as I ventured to Reno to be with my "bowlies" and watch our own Shontell graduate from college with her hard-earned teaching degree, which then turned to sadness and disappointment when I returned home and it was confirmed that Jon was laid-off.  Also, during all this craziness, we decided that I would again home school Olivia, this time for 10th grade.  Max is home schooled for middle school and adding one more will be a challenge, but definitely worth it.  The month ended with Max enjoying his own visit to the hospital with a virus that he's STILL not over.  This has been a roller coaster ride that I'm ready to get off of, which is weird for me to say because I love, Love, LOVE roller coasters and would ride them forever, only getting off to pee, then getting right back on.  Well, I guess it's time to pee.  :::sigh:::

Over the past few months, Jon and I have felt a strong sense that some kind of change was coming.  It wasn't an uneasy feeling, but it wasn't comfortable either; however, there was a tiny bit of excitement.  Little did we know what was ahead and that a test of our true faith was at hand.  We're mid-life and totally unprepared for this loss, but ready for what lies in front of us.  We have options, and possibly might move from Las Vegas.  Something we've wanted to do for a very long time.  We're praying for clarity and, now that the City door has closed, for another door ready to open with bigger and better things for us behind it.

Experiencing this "death" has been very traumatic for us, but has brought our family to a better place.  We've been ripped of our comforts and are raw and starting fresh.  It's making us be better parents to our kids, better spouses to each other, and better followers of our God.  We are totally relying on Him, as we should have been all along.  Once we realized we hadn't been completely dependant on Him while waiting for our news, we jumped off the edge with complete trust and things got much easier.  You'd be surprised what prayer in the right frame of mind can do for you.  We were no longer consumed with worry, we could breathe again, and the fear disappeared.  Good things have started to happen and we're confident Jon will have work by the end of the summer.

In addition to supporting each other, we have both found tremendous support and comfort in our friends.  Your "true ones" always come through for you during good and bad times and we definitely have an abundance of those kind of friends.  You are all so wonderful to us, even with just words of encouragement.  I am so thankful for my "Bowlie girls".  My Reno trip really helped prepare me for what I was about to face at home.  I knew getting on the plane Saturday morning that something big would happen for me that weekend.  It was full of SNOW (which makes me happy regardless), great company, excitement, accomplishment of a friend's goal, happiness, good food at BJ's, love and prayer, bad bowling, and a bookstore terrorist guy.  The terrorist guy had nothing to do with preparing me, but he was worth mentioning.  It was a great weekend.

We're exhausted, but calm.  A little scared, but excited for what the future holds for our family.  All our lives are changing right now...Ian is getting ready to begin his new life as a college student; Olivia is blooming as a great artist;  Max is Max, not really liking anything right now, but definitely loving school at home; and Meg, ohhh Meg.  Every day brings something new with her.  She's growing fast and is full of so much energy that it's hard to keep up with her!  Jon gets to have his first vacation without the stress of having to get back to work when he goes to Knoxville next week with Ian to spend time with his parents.  I get to take Meghan camping at the beach for a week, and Olivia and Max get some much needed rest and relaxing without the family around.

Our yearly camping trip at the beach has dwindled to just me and Meg, and we'll get to enjoy a whole week with the Baldwins.  I can't wait to relax on the beach, with my pirate flag blowing in the wind, watching Meg and her friends play in the sand, and take walks with her and reflect...on the future.

It's FINALLY Happening!

Our baby has pulled it off...it's graduation time!  It seems like yesterday when he was born and we had YEARS to plan for this day.  We blinked a few times and it's here!  Wow, what a journey.  We've laughed and cried, had good times and bad, and even accumulated some grey hair, but our boy is graduating and getting ready to start his life as an adult...we love you, son!

Check out these great pics that celebrate his accomplishment:

Ian's senior pics by speckled bird art - Las Vegas

Isn't She Lovely...

Our Olivia has turned out to be quite artistic.  You'll rarely find her without a sketch pad in her hand.  In fact, she's decided she would like to be an illustrator, so maybe you'll see her published work some day!

She started painting on canvas a few years ago and recently started a really cool series after being inspired by the music of one of her favorite artists, Emilie Autumn, and also by the movie Alice in Wonderland.  Here's two of her paintings.  Two more are in the works...

This one's entitled "Emilie"...Industrial like Emilie Autumn's music, and wonderlandish.  She's sitting and dangling her feet...the boot is ready to fall off. 

This one is called "Lucy".

Happy Balentime's Day...

I heart Valentine's Day.  Hope you have a happy one!

How I Started My February...

:::Happysighs:::

Leann Womack, Reba McIntyre, and George Straight with one of my best friends. Can it get much better than that?

Blah, Blah, Blog...

New Year, shmoo year, happy poo year.  It's not great so far.  I'm not motivated, not productive, not in the mood.  I'm trying, though.  Seriously, I don't wake up every morning and make the decision to be a slacker, at least consciously I don't.  Something's gotta give!  Seriously.